Helicopter Parenting

Jun5

carsI have recently read an article by author Kim Brooks titled “The Day I Left My Son in the Car.” And then I read a response by a blogger who raked her over the coals for her thoughts. (Read that here.) I found myself writing a long response to her response (hoping she wouldn’t then feel the need to rake ME over the coals with another response), when I decided, “Why don’t I just say this on my own blog?” It’s a little scary to me to do so, because this is a very emotional subject about which people feel very strongly. But here goes.

Long story short (in case you decide not to read her original article, which is kind of long, but well worth the time): One cool day (50 degrees and overcast, by her account), Kim made the decision to leave her recalcitrant 4-year-old son in her car with the windows cracked, the car locked and the alarm set, for a few minutes while she ran into a store to pick up a pair of kids headphones for an airplane trip on which they were about to embark. She was running late, her son, who wanted to go with her in the first place, was suddenly unwilling to accompany her into the store, so she made the decision. Someone in the parking lot saw her do it, recorded the incident on their smartphone, and called the police. She was arrested, charged, and sentenced, in the end, to community service and taking a parenting course.

Frumpy Mommy argues that Kim Brook is trying to justify her actions in her article by talking about the epidemic of helicopter parenting in our society today. I think Mrs. Brook knew she was wrong. I read the entire article. It was a lapse in judgement. I don’t agree that the person who saw her do it should have waited, recorded and called police. I think right then they should have said, “Hey, it’s probably not a good idea to leave your kid alone!” If she ignored/was rude to/cursed out that person, then maybe matters should have been taken further. Why not nip the problem in the bud instead of watching someone fail?

I had a friend who recently lost track of their 3-year-old child at the beach. One minute he was playing with his brother, the next minute he was gone. They searched for 30 minutes for that little guy, panicked all the while. Turns out, a couple down the beach thought to themselves, “This child probably shouldn’t be wandering by himself.” But did they call the police and accuse the mom of being a terrible parent? No, they followed to make sure he wasn’t harmed by someone, they contacted beach patrol, and mother and child were happily reunited. Do children wander away in public places? Yes.

I lost my son for a terror-filled 5 minutes once at Sea World. Was I a bad parent because I took my eyes off of him for a minute? Granted, Mrs. Brook left her son in a locked, alarm-set car on a cool day. She made the decision. It’s different; I know that. And I’m not in any way, shape or form advocating that anyone leave their small child in their car for any reason. I didn’t even go into a convenience store to get my receipt if it failed to print at the gas pump if I had my babies with me. But no parent is perfect. I think we’ve probably all put our children at risk at some point. I think her point was not to excuse herself—I think she learned her lesson—I think her point was to say that judgement of others has gone way too far.

There is so much more to say. Don’t judge me until my thoughts are all out there (like yes, she’s the parent and should have taken control of the situation instead of letting her 4-year-old have control. And no, I’m not saying she was right in what she did.) In my next post, I’ll share more thoughts on this subject.

I’m willing to engage in polite debate on the subject. Leave your comments below.

image from eriesense.com

Let Freedom Ring

May26

I’ve been contemplating freedom today as we remember those who gave their lives serving our country in the Armed Forces. Both of my sons are AFJROTC members at their high school. The thought of them someday going into battle as full time airmen scares me. But the thought of where this country would be without the sacrifice of those who have gone before scares me as well.

My younger son, Nathan, and I were talking about how the Americans stole the tune to Britain’s national anthem, “God Save the Queen.”

From:

O Lord our God arise
Scatter her enemies
And make them fall
Confound their politics
Frustrate their knavish tricks
On Thee our hopes we fix
God save us all

we get:

My country ’tis of thee
Sweet land of liberty
Of thee I sing.
Land where my father’s died
Land of the Pilgrim’s pride
From every mountainside
Let freedom ring

The people who founded our country were looking for freedom in a new world; a place where they could freely practice their religion without fear. The tyrannical government they were fleeing wanted none of that. The battles fought in the Revolutionary War bought our freedom from a country that wanted to keep us under its thumb.

There are many people who think that we should not engage an enemy that has not come upon our shores to threaten us. But I am not of that frame of mind. I think an enemy of freedom wherever it is found is our enemy. Freedom does not just belong to Americans. Everyone deserves the chance to worship as they choose, to say what they will—be it stupid or not, to have choices. Yes, that freedom comes at a price. It always has. It always will.

I’m proud of our soldiers. They understand the price. They have seen the devastation bondage causes. They have witnessed the joy freedom brings.

IMG_2877Justin, my eldest, will one day soon be one of those soldiers as his desire is to serve his country in the United States Air Force. I support him wholeheartedly. To every serviceman or woman I personally encounter I say, “Thank you for your service.” To those who live under tyrannical governments, who have no freedom and who live in fear every day I say from afar, “Don’t give up hope. Be strong. I pray you are not abandoned by those who would leave you to suffer alone, just because you’re not American.”

I promise you, that will never be me.

It’s Hard To Pant With A Lizard In Your Mouth

May20

lab and lizardMy friends Guy and Judy have a black lab named Ember. One of Ember’s favorite pastimes is chasing lizards. Luckily for her, lizards abound in her Florida backyard.

Recently, Guy went to take Ember for a walk. Nothing unusual there. Also not unusual was the fact that Ember had captured a lizard. What was unusual is that, even with the draw of the walk—which is one of any lab’s favorite activities—Ember would not let loose of that lizard.

So, unfazed, Guy snapped on the leash and headed out the door with Ember—and her lizard captive in her mouth.

Now, this is Florida, in late April, early May. Ember, as her name might suggest, is coal black. Black dogs + Florida heat = a great need to pant. This is how dogs cool themselves off (when a lake or pool isn’t handy to jump into). But Ember resolutely refused to give up her lizard, thus making heat-diffusing panting impossible.

Finally, unable to bear it anymore, Ember expelled the lizard with a rush so that she could pant away the affects of the heat in her body. It seems she was willing to undergo heat stroke in order to hold onto her hard-won prize.

Aren’t we like that sometimes?

Maybe we’ve been offended or hurt by someone. We hold onto that like a lab with a lizard, unwilling to let it go, even when panting—forgiving and letting it go—could release the heat inside.

Let it go. More lizards will come along, that’s a guarantee.

 

 

photo from beaumontenterprise.com

Beauty From Ashes

May7

furnitureSome people can look on a blank canvas and picture the beauty that could be there, or a fixer-upper house and see the potential, or a dilapidated piece of furniture and see a treasure. I’m not so good at that. That’s why I wasn’t a very good editor. I wasn’t so good at seeing what wasn’t there. My pastor likes to pray, “Lord, help me see what I’m not seeing.”

My friend Lyndee is an amazingly creative crafter, seamstress, writer and more. She once tried to teach me how to sew. I was successful at making a couple of things, but soon learned that I just didn’t have the interest or the knack. She did, however, successfully teach me how to cross stitch, and I have enjoyed that, though not in a long while.

Recently, she posted something on Facebook that was so truthfilled, I asked her if I could share it here. She graciously agreed.

“I love envisioning the beauty in all manner of tired, thrifted items, but the amount of time required to coax the beauty out for others to see often feels ridiculously wasteful. Mid-project, I realize that I must seem like a nut to normal people. But when I succeed, then comes joy! Not so much a look-what-I-made-cuz-I’m-super-awesome joy, as much as a look-at-the-awesomeness-I-found-hiding-in-there-how-cool-is-that?! Maybe that’s how God is with us. Our buried beauty is obvious to Him. He spends a painstaking amount of time coaxing that beauty out for others to see. Not a look-how-perfect-she-is-now, but a look-what-a-mess-she-was-when-I-found-her-and-how-lovely-and-unique-I-can-transform-her-to-be.”

Beauty from ashes, rags to riches, treasure from trash. There’s a big word for the work of God in each of our lives. It’s called “redemption.”

Praise be to God for His indescribable gift!

Thanks for the reminder, Lyndee!

 

image courtesy campclem.com

Don’t Be A Sore Loser

Apr25

CalvinI just read a story tonight about a boy in Connecticut who killed a girl at his high school, purportedly because she wouldn’t go to the prom with him. Girl won’t go with you? Well, she doesn’t deserve to live! How appalling is that?

Guess he never learned that you don’t always win.

Have you ever played a game with a young child? Small children will manipulate the rules to any game so that it lands in their favor. But teaching a child how to lose is a very important task we as parents cannot neglect. We used to tell our kids, “Nobody wants to play with a sore loser. If you can’t lose well, you can’t play.”

The habit of youth sports teams now of presenting a trophy to every player is not doing the kids any favors. Your team came in last? Well, we don’t want you to feel badly about yourself, so here’s a trophy.

Hogwash. You lost. You tried your best, and you did a great job participating, but the winners get the prize.

Think about it for a minute: if everyone gets a trophy, what is the point of trying?

1 Corinthians 9:24 says, “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.”

It’s such a fine line. You aren’t loved for your efforts, or for winning, you’re just loved. But if you don’t try hard, you’re not going to even have a chance to win. How you play the game is so very important. You can get a reward for showing good sportsmanship. But if you don’t happen to win the game, you’re not going to get the prize at the end.

Can you imagine if you were interviewing people for a job, you decide between several, and the ones who don’t get it sue you because you failed to give them the job they wanted? Doesn’t it feel sometimes like that’s what the world is coming to?

Nobody likes to lose, that’s true. Everybody likes to be the winner. But the fact is, not everyone can win.

My son is applying for the Air Force Academy. Is he going to be disappointed if he doesn’t get in? Absolutely. But he’s not going to throw a fit and declare that it’s no fair! if he doesn’t.

Work hard, try your best, and leave the results to God.

 

Calvin picture from pinterest.com