If only I could relax like my cat:
Somebody feeds me,
I get to just hang out in the sun,
I’m always up for a belly rub,
I get manicures,
And I totally, and I mean totally know how to chill out.
I love my cat.
Thankful today for:
54. Wonderful, wise older women
55. Date nights with my daughter
56. Giggles
noun
Several years ago, my sister gave me a book titled Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. Its truths are simple, yet profound. If I, as a wife, respect my husband, then he will, in turn, be more prone to love me. And the opposite is true: if I feel loved by my husband, then I am more likely to show him respect. The question is: With whom does it start? The answer? Me.
OK. So, you might ask, how do I show respect? A friend of mine shared the other day one of the ways she does it: When her husband mentions something that he’d like to do, like watch Christmas movies together as a family, she doesn’t then come up with 10 logistical reasons why that might not work. She makes it work. It’s the little things that make him realize that his opinions are valued, and what he wants counts.
The other day, my husband told me that he wanted to get rid of all the different-sized plastic plates that we have in our cabinets. They don’t all fit nicely together in the dishwasher, and it bothered him. I could have easily just blown that off and not acted on it, knowing that he wouldn’t make a big deal about it. But how hard was it for me to go to our cupboard, pull out the mismatched plastic, leaving the nicer, matching melamine bowls and plates, and put some in the giveaway bag and some in the camping box? While I was at it, I got rid of a bunch of plastic cups we really don’t need to use anymore also.
Such a little thing; such a big statement.
What if you have a free Saturday and your husband wants to go on a bike ride, but you really just wanted to stay in and watch a movie? How about saying, “Sure, we can go on a bike ride. And do you think after that we might be able to fit in a movie?” How much more willing and happy is he to do what you want to do, when you have so happily and willingly done what he wants to do also?
I’m not a marriage expert, but I’ve been married 20 years and 359 days, so I think I have gained a little bit of insight in that time. My husband’s a strong man, but he’s also a little boy who’s just looking for approval. It is within my power to provide that approval. I can scoff at his suggestions, or I can see what I can do about making it happen. I’m looking for the little things now, every day.
He is worthy of respect, and I am privileged to give it to him.
It’s easy to say, if your marriage is happy and healthy. What if you haven’t felt loved by your husband in a long time? I would challenge you to start showing him respect in the small ways. See what happens. The movie “Fireproof” included in it something called the “Love Dare.” That dare was to do something out of the ordinary and nice for your spouse every day for 40 days. In the same way, whether you feel like it or not, whether your spouse responds appropriately or not, take 40 days and do something that shows respect. Husbands, do something that shows love. (And, by the way, speak HER love language, not your own. See Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages if you need some help.)
It’ll make a big difference if you stick to it. I have a great marriage, but I’m going to take that dare myself anyway. I’ll let you know how it goes.
I’d love to hear how it goes for you, too.
Thankful today for:
I missed yesterday, so I’ll start with
48. a warm breeze blowing through my house
49. the weekend
50. Bunco with the girls tonight
51. the sound of windchimes
52. health
53. my bread maker, which is going to be put into use soon
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29 NIV).
Have you ever tried to put toothpaste back in its tube? It’s not an easy task. Some might even find it impossible.
Harsh or cruel words are like that: once said, you can’t take them back. They are forever burned into the mind of
the hearer.
A child, once told by an unkind teacher that he is dumb, will keep those words in mind unless many, many more come along to say the opposite. I believe they call that a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Remember that old rhyme? “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Baloney! Words are extremely painful and destructive.
I hear the words in my classroom: It’s too hard! I can’t do it! I’m not as smart as everyone else!
Where do those thoughts come from? I know I haven’t told them that. And I personally know their 1st grade and kindergarten teachers, and I know they didn’t tell them that.
Who knows. It could have been some careless passing comment from a classmate or friend; but it’s the one that stuck.
I remember negative comments from very early in my life, but I can’t always draw upon the positive.
“The soothing tongue is a tree of life,
but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit” (Proverbs 15:4 NIV).
Words, like toothpaste, can do a lot of good. But squeezed out carelessly, they just make a big mess. And they can never be taken back.
Yesterday, Morgan and I added two more members to our family: hermit crabs! Morgan had expressed an interest in getting one, and would be paying with her own money, so I agreed (Dad simply acquiesced). I put it out on Facebook for a crabitat and a friend came through with a 10-gallon aquarium, food, extra shells and a lot of good advice. She has 8 of the little guys herself. So with the purchase of sand, we were in business to buy crabs.
So yesterday afternoon, we all (minus Dad and Grandma) trooped down to our local Petland and, after a detour to pet puppies, Morgan acquired a crab (and I had to get one, too, just so the poor little guy wouldn’t be alone. “Hermit” is a misnomer, don’t you know.)
Morgan with "Charlotte" and "Titan"
So now we’re a family of Grandma, Mom and Dad, two brothers, one sister, one dog, one cat, 8 fish and 2 Ecuadorian hermit crabs.
Taking care of animals seems like it might be an easy task, but taking care of them properly is quite another proposition. That’s why I’m so glad to have people to whom I can direct questions. My friend Tiffaney is my fish expert. She’s helped me many times as I tried to get our fish tank in order. Check the water chemistry. Don’t put too many fish in the tank. Don’t feed them too much. Don’t buy them from a big box store.
Now Robin is our hermit crab whisperer. She directed me to websites and is always willing to answer any question. Keep the humidity between 70 and 80%. Feed them people food from an approved list. They don’t like to be alone, so get them a companion.
People who know what they’re talking about are very helpful and should be listend to.
This is Berkeley (on the right) with his favorite neighborhood friend, Sebastian
We have friends who recently adopted a yellow lab puppy. I have gladly and willingly shared my experience with them as we have already navigated the waters of dog ownership–and big dog ownership at that. Use treats to teach. Let her know who’s in charge. Get her socialized as soon as you can. We’re anxiously awaiting the day Berkeley and Zoey get to meet.
That’s what Paul was telling Timothy in his second letter: “And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others.”
Learning ourselves, and then teaching others. That’s a beautiful thing.
And let's not forget Oreo in all this
And the fish
Thankful today for:
45. chocolate and peanut butter
46. a soft kitty
47. new pets
There’s an old Jim Croce song that says “If I could save time in a bottle, the first thing that I’d like to do, is save everyday like a treasure and then, again, I would spend them with you.”
And then there’s the Steve Miller Band and their philosophical words: “Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’ into the future.”
Or what about Chicago? “Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?”
Those were just three songs that immediately came to mind when I thought about time. Showing my age a bit, aren’t I?
How many times do you hear people complain that they don’t have enough time to do the things they want to/need to/have to? Seems to me that God gave us 24 hours in a day for a reason. If He had wanted us to have more time, He’d have given it to us.
I’m thinking He gave us the perfect amount of time. A friend of mine reiterated that same thought a couple of weekends ago in a talk she gave to the group of moms from Trace Academy. Do we only have a certain amount of hours in our school day? That’s the perfect amount of time.
If we feel rushed, that’s not God’s fault. “I need more time!” falls on deaf ears. You have all the time you need–how you’re using it just may be the problem.
My dad died almost six years ago. My kids were 9, 7 and 3 at the time. He didn’t spend spend hardly any time with them at all. That wasn’t just a matter of distance, it was a matter of choice. My mom would say, “Your dad’s not into little kids. When they get older he’ll enjoy them more.”
Well, guess what? He didn’t live long enough to enjoy them, and he robbed my kids of their grandpa. (Do you think I still have issues to work through?) 🙂
Kids are only kids for a short time. People will only be with us a given number of days, and we aren’t told what that number is. I am guilty of putting my responsibilities before my relationships often. I don’t want to regret that later.
Reminds me of another song: Slow down, you’re moving too fast. You’ve got to make the morning last. Just kicking down the cobblestones. Looking around and feeling groovy!
I’m going to rethink how I use my time. Won’t you join me?
Thankful today for:
42. less coughing in the house
43. an anticipated horseback ride on the beach
44. phone calls from distant friends
