Tag Archive | family

No Perfect Parenting, part 1

5-02-03There are millions of articles circulating around the blogosphere about parenting. When I type in that word, Bing search gives me 124,000,000 results. Google gives me 215,000,000. That’s a lot of advice. I’m sure some of it is very good. I’m not going to read them all to find out. But I did recently read two that I found to be almost diametrically opposed, and they’re both written by moms who say they love Jesus. What? You mean Christians don’t agree about something? Go figure.

Anyway, the one mom, from a blog called “What Kids Are Reading,” wrote an article she titled “Why I Spoil My Kids—No Apologies.”  She has determined that “it’s not what you teach your children to do for themselves, but what you teach them to do for others that will make them successful (and good) human beings.” I agree, to some extent. Helping kids to see that they are not the center of the universe is important, but frankly, I don’t see how they can do for others if they haven’t learned to do it for themselves. I’m not sure that Mom and Dad doing something for me translates to my doing something for someone else.

Here are the points this author makes in order to teach her kids to do for others. See what you think: I buy them things they have not earned; I do things for them they could do for themselves; I lavish affection on them; they are the center of my universe. (On this last one, she does add the caveat: “Next to God, that is. And my husband. Actually, alongside my husband.”)

OK, then. There’s another article, from a blog called “We Are That Family,” that I think I’m a little more closely inline with. It’s titled “9 Things We Should Get Rid of to Help Our Kids.” Here’s the list of 9, in case you don’t want to jump over there and read the article yet: guilt [our own, not what our kids might feel]; overspending; birthday party goody bag (mentality); making our day-week-month, our world about our kids; the desire to make our children happy (all the time); made up awards; fixing all their problems; stuff; unrealistic expectations.

What I seemed to glean from the first post was that our kids need to feel safe (absolutely), loved (without a doubt), and that they are the most important person on earth to me (wait, what?)

This is how I see it: our kids are a gift from God. We are to treasure, raise up and release those kids to the care and protection of their heavenly Father. The world is not a friendly place in many circumstances, and they need to be ready for that, not because we make our home an unfriendly place so they learn how to deal with it early, but because they have been loved well by their family and have seen Jesus shine out of every corner. Did Jesus always give everyone what they wanted? How many sick people did He pass by without healing them? Was it because He didn’t love them? We know that’s a ridiculous question. Of course He did. Why He didn’t heal some will remain a mystery. But we can always be assured of His love. Just like our kids should always be assured of ours.

Next time, I’ll explore some of what we do to help our kids learn the lessons we have for them.

Redecorating

welcomeMy husband and I are in the process of doing some revamping of our family room. We’ve ordered a leather couch and love seat to replace our worn out, hand-me-down set, moved out an oak bookshelf to our daughter’s room, and made plans for a built-in bookcase/tv/aquarium stand. Right now, my family room looks like a giant mess.

But my daughter’s room is amazingly clean. She’s put that big bookshelf to work in her room—mostly holding her boatload of stuffed animals. She slaved yesterday getting everything cleaned up and going through 12 plastic bins to make room for the new furniture.

It looks great.

Unlike my family room.

Unlike my life.

The mess in my house just reflects the mess in my life as I try to determine where I’m supposed to be right now. With my eldest just a year and a bit away from graduating from high school—and hopefully following his dreams to the United States Air Force Academy—and my youngest in her last year of elementary school, I’m looking ahead to a crossroads.

I’m full on into menopause.

I’m thinking of changing jobs within my organization.

I’m searching for where God wants me to serve in my church community.

Crossroads. Mid-life crisis. Redecorating.

Years ago there was a song that was popular on Christian radio called “Welcome Home.”  Watch it below:

I love the imagery:

Take a seat – pull up a chair –
Forgive me for the disrepair
And the souvenirs from floor to ceiling
Gathered on my search for meaning,
And every closet’s filled with clutter –
Messes yet to be discovered –
I’m overwhelmed – I understand
I can’t make this place all that You can…

Much as I try to make my house what I want it to be, I certainly can’t do it alone. My husband is a great handyman, and his desire to please me makes him a willing participant in my sometimes hair-brained schemes. Not that I’m saying this project is hair brained, you understand.

How much more does God love me and want to come in to what is essentially His home and make out of it what He wants to? He’s not in a crisis. He sees no crossroads. He just wants every corner of my life to be His. I don’t know if recording artist Shaun Groves wrote his song based on the booklet “My heart Christ’s home,” but he could have. It’s certainly the same theme.

No corner undusted; no closet uncleaned; no room off limits.

I’m attempting to redecorate my family room. Jesus is attempting to redecorate my life.

Have at it, Lord. Your interior decorating skills are far superior to mine.

Life, and Baseballs, Come At You Fast

By now you should know that I am a big Oakland A’s baseball fan. My love affair started when my family moved to Oakland in 1968. We used to get A’s tickets as rewards for being on the traffic squad in elementary school. This was in the days before night games, so when the A’s were consistently in the World Series in the 70s, the administration used to bring a big t.v. into the auditorium on a cart, and we could get out of class to watch part of the game. Our family even got to go to a few playoff and World Series games.

After World Series victories, of which there were many, our family would travel downtown to enjoy the victory parade. The atmosphere was so exciting.

I remember anticipating attending my first game. My great aunt Zizi was taking me and my older brother and sister. I was so excited that I threw up–and then I didn’t get to go. I was relegated to my room, listening to the broadcast on the radio. My mom finally figured out I wasn’t really sick when I kept running into the room with updates from the game.

My mom once had a job at a pharmacy in the same building as the A’s team doctor. The players would often come in to have prescriptions filled. Taking advantage of the situation, my mom would get their autographs–four times over. One for each kid. She even volunteered to make a home delivery once, with me in tow, to first baseman Gene Tenace’s house. What a thrill. Captain Sal Bando attended our church, though he usually sat in back and slipped out when Mass was over.

I remember when pitcher Vida Blue was seen visiting a neighbor up the road. My sister Leslie jumped right out of her sick bed to hurry up the road with us to get his signature on our A’s caps.

I remember the days of Charlie-O, the big donkey mascot named after famed A’s owner Charlie Finley. We once had a carnival at our elementary school, and Charlie-O was a special guest. Those were the days. Baseball was king.

Just a week ago, pitcher Brandon McCarthy stood on the mound for the A’s, playing another game in a pennant race that is very exciting for A’s fans. One second he was pitching the ball to an Angel’s hitter, the next, he was on the ground, beaned in the head by a screaming line drive. Taken to the hospital a short time later, Brandon underwent a CT scan which showed he had suffered a fractured skull and would undergo surgery to relieve the pressure on his brain.

Praise God he is out of the hospital and recovering well, but his season is over. All in a matter of seconds.

When I was growing up, Zizi was an important part of holidays as she usually traveled from her home in Bakersfield to Oakland to spend the days with us. We would wait in anticipation for her big yellow car to make its way up our street. Her presence completed the holiday. Once I moved to Florida, I rarely got to see her.

On July 11th, my family and I arrived in Bakersfield, Calif., to visit Zizi and my aunt and uncle. I hadn’t seen Zizi in 9 years.  For the rest of my family–except Morgan, who had been with me 9 years ago–it had been longer. We enjoyed our short visit, prompted by the fact that we didn’t know when or if we’d see Zizi again. She was 94, after all.

Two weeks later, on August 26th, Zizi awoke thinking it was going to be like any other day. She went to the kitchen to make her breakfast when something went terribly wrong. While cooking an egg on her stove, she suffered some sort of episode that apparently caused her to pass out and fall onto the stove. The result of all this was 3rd degree burns over 40 percent of her body. Three days later, she was gone, too badly injured to recover. One moment making breakfast on a regular day; three days later, gone.

Baseball and Zizi: forever linked in my life.

20120913-094443.jpgLife comes at you fast. You never know how long you’re going to have someone with you. I don’t want to waste one moment in harsh words or unresolved conflict. No regrets. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful epitaph?

“Show me, Lord, my life’s end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting my life is.
You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Everyone is but a breath,
even those who seem secure” (Psalm 39:4,5)

Thankful today for:

587. family

588. a tight pennant race

589. fall

590. RoundUp®

Way to Go, Idaho!

The last two days (days 22 and 23 of our journey) find us in the surprising state of Idaho. I say surprising because I didn’t expect to be overwhelmed by its beauty. I don’t know why I didn’t expect that of Idaho, but I did. Western Washington is majestic, and Northern Idaho blends into it with itS mountains, lakes and rivers. As we drove on a small highway, US 95, for hundreds of miles, we made our way through those mountains, then into valleys of rolling hills of green and yellow, up mountains again, into canyons by the beautiful Salmon River. The scenery was amazing, causing my eldest to dub it the most scenic state yet.

Once again we had to leave family we didn’t know when we would see again, but we were also blessed to visit friends I hadn’t seen since high school. Our time is coming to an end, but we stil have Yellowstone and Mt. Rushmore to see. Many more miles, many more friends, and just a week to go. I think it might take a long time to process all that we’ve seen and experienced. It has been an incredible journey.

Thankful today for:

489. late sunsets

490. the anticipation of Yellowstone tomorrow

491. the sound of river rapids

492. wifi

493. a chance to catch a fish

494. picnic lunches

495. kittens

496. shared memories

497. insurance that will pay for the ding in our windshield

The Big Day Has Arrived

Today is the day of Hannah and Andy’s wedding. My sister is getting ready to leave for the farm where the wedding will be held, and the rest of us will follow in a couple of hours. It’s always hard to imagine that your kids are old enough to get married and be out on their own. This is the second time my sister has gone through that. Last year, in fact, her eldest took the matrimonial leap. I’m just trying to prepare myself for when my eldest goes on his first date.

I remember Hannah as a baby. I didn’t get to see her or her siblings much, as we lived far away from each other. She’s the only girl between two brothers. The girl cousins are outnumbered in our family, 2 to 1. She and Morgan, I’m told, are a lot alike. I hope Morgan grows up to still be like her. I wish they could know each other better. But there are 14 years and 3,000+ miles between them. But that’s true of all the cousins. None of them live near each other. It’s sad, but that’s the way it is.

We’re very thankful we can be here today to celebrate with sweet Hannah and Andy, whom we hope to be able to get to know someday. We’ll have to depend on future family gatherings. This stay is winding down way too fast. After today, we have two more days until we leave. Sweet times, too soon gone, to be held in our hearts forever.

Thankful today for:

480. wedding celebrations

481. a sunny day

482. more solidified plans

483. flowers

484. hills

485. lots of green