Not Where I Belong

May18

Yesterday, as I was watching my Oakland A’s play the Texas Rangers on the MLB app on my Blu Ray player (I love technology), I randomly heard a snippet from the Building 429 song “Not Where I Belong.” The lyrics of the chorus go like this: “All I know is I’m not home yet. This is not where I belong. Take this world and give me Jesus. This is not where I belong.” After getting over the shock of hearing such a blatantly Christian song at a baseball game, I thought about the words.

Why do we sometimes feel like such aliens here on earth? Well, it’s because we are. This world is not our home. 1 Peter 4:11 says, “Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul.” Our citizenship is in heaven.

I have a dear friend who has lived in Australia for the past nearly five years. She and her family are coming back this summer. While she has come to love the land down under, she is still a citizen of the United States. She has made many friends that she will be leaving behind, but she is coming back to many friends here who still love her. Will the re-entry be easy? I’m guessing not, because she was all there and is returning before she really wanted to. But her parents’ declining health has made it necessary. Will her heart be torn? Yes. She gave a big part of it to Australia, even though she was only a temporary resident. Was that a bad thing? No. She needed to be all in while God had her there. But we as believers are warned not to become so enamored of this world that we have a hard time thinking about going home.

The Bible speaks to this issue: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

We are on a mission here., and we are to represent Jesus as ambassadors. 2 Corinthians 5:10 says, “We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God.”

Our greatest desire should be to return home where we belong, and to bring as many people with us as we can. But I remember when I was younger, I didn’t want to die before I was able to experience certain things here on earth: getting my driver’s license, getting married, having children. But how those pale in comparison to being home with Jesus. While there is much beauty on earth, the beauty of heaven cannot be compared.

All I know is I’m not home yet. This is not where I belong.

Thankful today for:

285. cookie crunch frappiccinos from Starbucks. Yum

286. three more days of teaching this year

287. my little sister and nephew being able to join us in Seattle

288. the smell of bacon

289. insightful articles

290. being republished

291. an anticipated party

292. coupons

293. gift cards

294. a lessening pain

295. kitty breath

296. appreciation

Tough Lovin’

May16

“In the end, love must be a kind of discipline. If we love only with our feelings, we’re sunk–we may feel love one day and something quite other the next. Soon  after he came to live with me–he was eleven years old at the time–I realized I must learn to love with my will, not my feelings. I had to love him when he threw his shoe at the wall and cussed my dog, love him when he called me names I won’t repeat, love him when he refused to eat what I’d cooked after celebrating and preaching at three Sunday services . . . you get the idea.

“And so I enjoyed the warm feelings, the stuff of the heart, when it was present between us, as it sometimes was, even in the beginning. And when it wasn’t, there was the will to love him something like . . . a generator kicking in, a back up.

“I learned over a long period of trial and error to see in him what God made him to be. Wounded people use a lot of smoke and mirrors, they thrust the bitterness and rage out there like a shield. Then it becomes their banner, and finally, their weapon. But I stopped falling for the bitterness and rage. I didn’t stop knowing it was there–and there for a very good reason–but I stopped taking the bullet for it. With God’s help, I was able to start seeing through the smoke. I saw how bright he was, . . . how talented, and how possible it was for him to triumph over so much that hounded him.

“I stopped praying for God to change Dooley; I asked God to change me–to give me His eyes to see into the spirit of this exceptional broken boy.”

Father Tim Cavanagh, on how he loved his adopted son through the hard early years. (In the Company of Others by Jan Karon)

Down in the Dungeon

May14

There’s a comic strip in the newspaper called “Rose is Rose.” It features a stay-at-home mom, Rose, who has a tattooed, leather-clad biker-babe alter ego. She has a hard-working, love-note writing husband, Jimbo, and a sweet, school-loving boy named Pasquale.

They are a typical family in many ways, but the illustrator of the strip brings out a very important spiritual truth: Every once in awhile, the strip will feature Rose at the bottom of a deep pit, a shackle around her ankle and a deep, disturbing frown upon her face. It’s usually not clear what has happened to plunge her into that dungeon of her own making, but her family is usually waiting at the top, trying to coax her out. But Rose alone holds the key.

Our dungeons, like Rose’s, are of our own making. Whether we’re simply offended by something unintentional, or truly sinned against, forgiveness is ours to give. It’s always our choice. So is being a blessing to those who have offended us.

“When you forgive,” says Joyce Meyer, “it opens a door for God to heal you, but honestly, it doesn’t do much for the person who offended you. But when you bless them, you ask God to bring truth to them so they can repent and experience the real freedom He provides. Forgiveness” she says “sets you free…blessing your enemies sets them free.”

Romans 12:14 says, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.”

Likewise, when we repent of something we have done to offend someone else, when they extend forgiveness to us, and bless us by word or deed, then we are set free from the guilt that might plague us, if we are sensitive to the Holy Spirit. Granted, some people offend us and have no idea they’ve done it, but our forgiveness and, as stated before, our blessing, can serve as a way to clue them in to something that may need to change in their heart. But their repentance is not our job; our extending forgiveness and blessing is.

That self-made dungeon is cold and damp. The air is so much nicer on the outside.

Thankful today for:

279. clouds

280. flowering bushes

281. remote controls

282. tough love

283. community

284. movies

What Would I Do Without You?

May12

Although I haven’t touched them for nearly two years, I am a scrapbooker. Once I began teaching, I just haven’t been able to save any mental space for working on my books. I’ll get back to them some day. But this was a quote I put in one of the early books for my kids:

“You are the trip I did not take;

You are the pearls I cannot buy;

You are my blue Italian lake;

You are my piece of foreign sky.”

This is from a poem by Anne Campbell. It speaks to me.

Motherhood, it seems, is all about sacrifice. Of course there are benefits, but often those don’t come until later. My friend Judy posted a poignant blog about the gifts her children have given her (read it here). I agree with every one of her points, although my life looks vastly different from hers. My kids are all still at home. Every day there is something that goes on that means I have to give up something that I would rather be doing. And yet, in raising my kids, there really is nothing that I would rather be doing.

Do I enjoy the silence in the house when they’re all off to school? Yes. But if the continued silence means I didn’t have the kids, I far prefer the chaos.

Do I wish that for even a day the house could stay clean? Yes. But if cleanliness meant my house was empty, then what’s a few dust bunnies? (OK, more than a few.)

Would I like to look out on a pristine yard? Who wouldn’t? But if nice grass meant no wild sword fights or games of fetch with the dog, then I welcome the lived-in look of the warn path the dog has made madly chasing his beloved ball.

My friend Ronnie once told me a house should be clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy. I have taken that on as my personal slogan.

Do I pester my kids about picking up and quieting down? Yes. But honestly, what would I do without them? They are my true Mother’s Day gift.

But I’m still looking forward to that steak dinner promised to me tomorrow.

Thankful today for:

270. the gift of See’s chocolate from my friend Lynn

271. waking up early on a day I could have slept in

272. 12 more days of school

273. a great first year of high school for my eldest

274. the cardinal couple that occasionally flits through our yard

275. that the alligators decide to wait until after our day in the lake to make their appearance

276. the pitter patter of little feet (and some not so little anymore)

277. family prayer

278. photographs

Family Sized

May9

Our family went out for dinner last night to celebrate my mother-in-law’s birthday. At the counter of the salad-bar restaurant, I was struck by something that I often see or hear: Posted on the glass was a coupon for a discount for a family meal. So what, right? Well, to them, “family” meant 2 adults and 2 kids. If you had more than that, you couldn’t get the discount. In our family, we happen to have 3 kids and 3 adults, as David’s mom lives with us. But even if extended family like that didn’t count, we’d be over their limit.

So why did this bother me last night as opposed to all the other times I’ve seen it? Well, I’ve been bothered by it before when I’ve heard a local radio station give away “family 4 packs.” I never try to win those prizes, because then I’d be leaving someone out. Even Disney World, the “happiest place on earth,” gets in on the conspiracy: If your child wins the Disney Doers and Dreamers award at their school, they only get 4 tickets to the park. If my child wins, which family member gets left out?

This might be pushing things a bit, but it spoke to me of how our society as a whole does not value children. Look at all the flack the Duggars have taken. Amongst my friends, we often joke about how outnumbered we are. The mom of one of my students recently invited all the teachers of her 3 boys to dinner at their house. They are new to our school, but wanted to keep the tradition they had started when their first child started school. Only, in the past, their boys had each had one teacher, and some of them were single, or older with no kids still at home. This year, their kids each have two teachers, and each of us has more than the requisite 2 kids. In fact, when added all together, the 6 of us have 23 kids.

Yes, family size is a choice–although sometimes it’s just God’s choice, not the choice of the family who might have wanted more, but God allowed them fewer for whatever reason–but wouldn’t it be great to see some advertisement or coupon stating that, whatever the size of your family, you get the discount? Why not just a “family pack,” adjusted to whatever size your family happens to be? Why doesn’t Disney just award a certificate for “family entry”? They could specify that it’s limited to nuclear families only. Now, granted, Disney doesn’t have to give away anything, and I should be grateful for what they do, but it’s just another of those subtle way of saying “smaller families are better.”

Most people I hear are appalled at the family-size limitations China dictates, but we get the same message in a more subtle way. My friend who just had her 6th kid hears, Are they all yours?” Like that’s just crazy.

Am I overreacting? Maybe. What do you think?

Psalm 127:3-5: “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.”

Thankful today for:

264. my 3 children

265. the rain

266. finding muffins in the refrigerator

267. a day off after an emotionally hard day

268. seeing God’s provision after I labor over our budget

269. the kids’ excitement over a hailstorm in the spring