What’s Cooking On The Back Burner?

simmering potI quit my job the other day. It’s something that’s been bubbling on the back burner of my mind for several years, but that I’ve been unwilling to stir up and taste until now. You see, it’s what I know best how to do. It’s been a large part of my identity. I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to do with myself now.

But the time was right; I felt the Holy Chef tapping me on the shoulder telling me it was time to stir that pot and see what delicious meal He would spread before me.

So I called my boss and told him I was leaving. He wasn’t surprised. He had sensed it coming for awhile. And, while not thrilled at the prospect of replacing me, he knows it’s the right thing to do.

You see, I have a son who will be a senior in high school next year. I need to be there when he needs to talk about his future—or should I say, I need to be there to pull out of him whatever feelings he thinks he can identify and is willing to share with his mother. I need to help guide him through the college application process and the girls who will try to distract him from his goals.

I have another son who will be a sophomore in high school, and I need to be there when he comes home from school and wants to talk about his day, his life, his hopes, his fears.

I have a daughter who will be in her first year of middle school. I may be her 6th grade teacher next year. I need to be all there for her when we have those inevitable tween battles, to let her know that she’s beautiful and funny and talented.

You might find it surprising when I say that my job was unique. I actually worked from home. But my job was very deadline driven and when I had that deadline knocking on my door, I couldn’t just say, I’ll get back to that later. I had to get it done, and I’m not willing anymore to be engaged in something else if one child or another decides they need me at just that particular moment.

But that’s not the only reason I quit. I need time to hone the talent God gave me. It was 40 years ago that God showed me that He wanted me to be a writer. For 40 years I’ve been wandering in the wilderness, trying to find my way to the Promised Land that God had given me. I’ve worked as a journalist, an editor, a production manager and a copy editor, all for the same publication, for almost 28 years. For the past 17, my writing has been sporadic as I’ve taken on the role of mother. My time to sit and think gets stolen by a laundry list of other tasks. And frankly, I haven’t installed the security system to keep that from happening. So even as I pledge to be all there for my kids in these dwindling days that they’re beneath my roof, I pray for opportunities to write as God intended me to write.

It’s easy to leave that pot on the burner, never really tasting what’s inside, only catching a whiff every now and then of the delicacies it holds. But I’m going to do it. I’ve taken that first step of pulling off the lid of the bubbling pot to see what’s been simmering inside. Am I courageous enough to add some spices and take that first taste?

Or will I stay hungry?

What simmering pot do you need to start stirring in your own life?

photo from: http://www.idealhomegarden.com/recipes/simmer-pot-recipes-for-fall/

The Proof Is In The Pots

IMG_3168We’ve been on a month-or-more-long journey of home-improvement projects. It started awhile back when we realized that we would need to replace our roof this year. One very smart contractor from whom we got a quote let us know that our insurance was required to pay for a new roof if it had sustained at least 25% wind and hail damage. No one else had told us that. It was a wonderful provision for us. It also meant that, instead of spending a recently cashed-out investment on a roof, we could tackle some projects at home. Like replacing our too-small refrigerator, redecorating our family room, repainting our pool deck and finally finishing a side yard that had been divested of its swing set a long time ago.

Watching everything take shape was a wonder. Finding sales, creating something beautiful from pieces of wood, planting flowers in December to fulfill the vision I had for the yard. When furniture salespeople told me I wouldn’t be able to find the color couch I wanted because it just wasn’t popular anymore, I persevered, and God provided. When my husband took my plan and desire for a whole-wall bookshelf/TV oak unit and built it with his own hands, I felt the love. When I wanted a certain type of pot for the flowers in the yard, and brick-and-mortar stores and internet searches let me down for weeks, I didn’t give up. There were many times I felt that maybe my plans for this yard were going to have to be set aside, and I was going to have to compromise my vision. But God knew what I wanted. He didn’t have to provide these pots—and for a really great price—but I think He wanted to give me a glimpse of how much He cares about the details.

Every time I look at all that God allowed us to accomplish the past 2 months, I wonder how anyone could argue the existence of God, or the fact that He cares about us. Why would God care what kind of flower pots I have in my yard? But He does. And He provided just what I asked for.

God loves, God provides, God cares.

And what about our friends with the sick son in Colorado? Does God care about them? Isn’t he more important than a pot?

What about the family who just lost their mother? Does God care about them? Why didn’t He provide a cure as He provided the perfect pot?

That’s the age-old question, isn’t it? Why do bad things happen to good people?

Because the world is a broken place. People get sick and die, suffering is rampant. And so is sin. That’s why we long for paradise, and the little glimpses that God gives us along the way help us hold on for the journey. They help to remind us that forever is longer than this.

How do we know God loves us and cares for the details of our lives? The proof is in the pots.

Always Keep Looking At Jesus

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This morning, the day before we celebrate Thanksgiving in America, I was reading a devotional by Pastor Ed Young. His last words to me today were these: Always keep looking at Jesus, and tell others what you see.

With so much controversy, meanness and downright hate we hear from everyone from the press to the people on the street these days, these words are brilliant. Always keep looking at Jesus, and tell others what you see.

Oh, if only everyone, even those who don’t follow Him, would do that, how much different would things be? When I look at Jesus, I see obedience. He always and only did what His Father told Him to do. He obeyed his earthly parents. The result of that was a perfect life, lived always at the center of the Father’s will. How did He do that? Well, being fully God Himself helped, but He listened. He often went off to a quiet place to pray. His food was to do the will of the One who sent Him.

When I look at Jesus, I see compassion. He healed those who came around Him—and even some who had to have someone come in their stead. He spoke kindly. He had life in His words for those who were dying. The only time he spoke roughly, it wasn’t to sinners, it was to those who thought they were godly, but were “whitewashed sepulchers.” They might look good on the outside, but inside, they held only death. Hypocrites. He had no tolerance for them. The lost He lead to life. I don’t know who said it, but I love this quote: Jesus did not come to make bad people good; He came to make dead people live. Jesus’ words brought life to those who heard Him.

When I look at Jesus, I see unconditional love. He knew people all around Him were bound for hell, and He loved them. He spent time with them—yes, sinners! He taught them. And then, in the act of ultimate love, He died for them. The Scriptures say that without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness of sins. Without forgiveness, people perish. Ultimate love, ultimate compassion, ultimate obedience.

When people see me, hear me, read what I write, can they tell I’ve been looking at Jesus?

When you look at Jesus, what do you see?

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Redecorating

welcomeMy husband and I are in the process of doing some revamping of our family room. We’ve ordered a leather couch and love seat to replace our worn out, hand-me-down set, moved out an oak bookshelf to our daughter’s room, and made plans for a built-in bookcase/tv/aquarium stand. Right now, my family room looks like a giant mess.

But my daughter’s room is amazingly clean. She’s put that big bookshelf to work in her room—mostly holding her boatload of stuffed animals. She slaved yesterday getting everything cleaned up and going through 12 plastic bins to make room for the new furniture.

It looks great.

Unlike my family room.

Unlike my life.

The mess in my house just reflects the mess in my life as I try to determine where I’m supposed to be right now. With my eldest just a year and a bit away from graduating from high school—and hopefully following his dreams to the United States Air Force Academy—and my youngest in her last year of elementary school, I’m looking ahead to a crossroads.

I’m full on into menopause.

I’m thinking of changing jobs within my organization.

I’m searching for where God wants me to serve in my church community.

Crossroads. Mid-life crisis. Redecorating.

Years ago there was a song that was popular on Christian radio called “Welcome Home.”  Watch it below:

I love the imagery:

Take a seat – pull up a chair –
Forgive me for the disrepair
And the souvenirs from floor to ceiling
Gathered on my search for meaning,
And every closet’s filled with clutter –
Messes yet to be discovered –
I’m overwhelmed – I understand
I can’t make this place all that You can…

Much as I try to make my house what I want it to be, I certainly can’t do it alone. My husband is a great handyman, and his desire to please me makes him a willing participant in my sometimes hair-brained schemes. Not that I’m saying this project is hair brained, you understand.

How much more does God love me and want to come in to what is essentially His home and make out of it what He wants to? He’s not in a crisis. He sees no crossroads. He just wants every corner of my life to be His. I don’t know if recording artist Shaun Groves wrote his song based on the booklet “My heart Christ’s home,” but he could have. It’s certainly the same theme.

No corner undusted; no closet uncleaned; no room off limits.

I’m attempting to redecorate my family room. Jesus is attempting to redecorate my life.

Have at it, Lord. Your interior decorating skills are far superior to mine.

Searching My Roots

Last summer, after she listened to a Native American woman speak about her story, my sister Leslie challenged me to write a piece about who I am. The challenge is to know who we really are based on where we come from. I took that challenge and wanted to share it with you. I am currently at a place in life where I’m trying to figure out just exactly who I am and who God wants me to become. Kind of a mid-life crisis, you might say, without so much of the crisis part. Here’s a part of my story. I’d love to hear yours.

I am from

102_1116I am from the Golden State
I am from the winding, hilly roads overlooking the San Francisco Bay
I am from mountains and beaches, rocky shores and tide pools waiting to be explored
I am from sunshine and foggy mornings with the tips of the Golden Gate Bridge just peaking through.

 

I am from the country, the smell of alfalfa and the lowing of cattle
I am from searing heat and shimmering highways
I am from the Old Country, where garlic and olive oil permeate the air
I am from family, from privilege, a name and a reputation to maintain

I am from the land of bagpipes and brave hearts
I am from clan Grant, an unexplored entity in my life

I am from a popular mother and a father who wasn’t sure who he wasrocking chair
I am from the affects of alcohol and disappointment and dying dreams
I am from generosity and volunteering and friendships that lasted through decades
I am from a love uncertain about how to be expressed

I am from acceptance and forgiveness and new life
I am from purpose, from words knocking at the door, waiting to be let out
I am from unconditional love
I am from the heart of God, written on His timeline before it began