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I Have a Dream

Nov4

I keep having this recurring dream. No, it’s not the one where I show up at a college class I never even knew I had to find out there’s an exam I’ve never studied for. I haven’t had that one in awhile. In this one, I’m driving a car and coming up to a stop, and as hard as I push on that brake pedal, I cannot get the car to stop. It’s a very out-of-control feeling.

Out of control. Yep, that’s what it is alright. I’m a mother, watching my son become a man, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Not that I’m supposed to do anything about it. This is the way it’s supposed to be. But, take yesterday for example. We sent him off at 4:00 in the morning with about 100 people that I don’t know to a place we’ve never been to do something he’s never done before. Granted, the rest of the family would be meeting him there a few hours later, but still, the dream came.

Yesterday’s event was an Air Force Junior ROTC drill competition. Justin’s goal in life is to be an Air Force fighter pilot. It’s been my habit to thank active duty or retired military personnel for their service when I see them. Now, I do it with a bit of a tear in my eye as I think that someday in the not-too-distant future, that could be my son.

I’m having to release control, cut the ol’ apron strings, as they say. It started when he entered high school. Before that, he’d been under my watchful eye at our parent-involved private Christian school. When he started public high school, I felt like I was sending him into the lion’s den. He survived–even thrived–so this year wasn’t as tough. But I know that, in less than three short years, he’ll be leaving my little nest and I won’t have any control whatsoever.

Thank God that He’s still in control. And I can pray.

I know all my friends who have gone through this before are laughing at me–or maybe they’re nodding their heads in sympathy. That dream might come more and more often. And I’ve got two more kids to go after this one. *sigh* Those baby days were a lot easier than this. They are maybe not as physically exhausting, but emotionally, well, let’s just say I’m earning my gray hair.

I’m proud of the man he’s becoming. I pray that he seeks to stay close to God his entire life. That will make this letting go thing a lot easier on me, if I know he’s making good choices hand-in-hand with his Lord.

And it would be nice to hear “M’am, yes m’am!” around the house sometimes.

Thankful today for:

630. an extra hour’s sleep

631. sunshine with no sweating

632. pictures of fall in other places, because we have no color here

633. food when my stomach rumbles

634. the approaching holiday season

635. open doors

What Modern Technology Does For Prayers

Oct21

I have had the privilege more in the past couple of years, it seems, to pray for people I don’t know. I’m not just talking about general prayers for all the unsaved people in Asia or Africa, or all the people who were affected by the latest hurricane, tornado, earthquake, etc. I’m talking about specific prayers for individuals who have names and stories, but whom I’ve never met.

One of these people is a man named Greg. He and his wife are on staff, as we are, with Cru. I’ve never met them, but their story caught my attention. Nearly two years ago, Greg was the recipient of a new heart. I began praying for him after reading his story on our Campus Crusade for Christ women’s resource web page. Now, I receive email updates whenever there is something to report. Two years later, he’s had a couple of setbacks with his transplant, but he and his wife–and I who have been praying for him–are praising God for his new lease on life.

Another person I pray for is Anna, the adult daughter of a friend of mine. Ten months ago, Anna had her 7th baby. What they thought was going to be a routine delivery ended up being a nearly life-ending tragedy for Anna. I prayed often throughout the days for Anna and her family, that God would spare her. He saw fit to do so when every doctor attending her thought there was no chance. I rejoice with her family at her survival. She still struggles with repercussions, so  I still pray for her as her mom sends updates.

Then, just recently, I prayed for another friend of a friend whose newborn son was born without a trachea. My heart ached for this family who should have been celebrating the birth of their twin sons, but instead held vigil over their one who had little hope of survival. And though this baby outlived all expectations, God took him home just a few short months after his birth.

Currently, I am praying for the 13-year-old daughter of another family I don’t know personally, but they work at Cru headquarters, and we have mutual friends. When this young girl woke up from a routine endoscopy, she couldn’t remember anything; her mind was a total blank. What a weird and scary circumstance. I pray for her everyday, and I am thankful for daily updates that give me specifics.

What all these scenarios have in common, beside the fact that they involve committed followers of Jesus, is that I heard about these needs either via email, Facebook or an internet website. People literally all over the world could be praying for these people within minutes of a posting, whereas previous to these electronic avenues, that would not have been so immediately possible.

Take my sister’s little dog, Luna, for instance. My niece posted on Facebook that Luna had gotten lost a good distance from her home in Kirkland,Washington, and would we please pray for her? Immediately we started praying. We checked for updates and prayed every day. Finally, nearly a week later, I got a text from my niece: Luna has been found! Literally the minute Luna jumped into my sister’s arms, I knew about and could rejoice with her, tears blurring my eyes. And I hadn’t even met this dog. But she is important to my sister and her family, thus she is to me.

Is God different now that there’s an internet? No. But we have always known that prayer changes things. The ability to rally the troops all over the world to petition God for the needs of His saints is powerful. It’s a privilege to pray for these needs, and I’m thankful for the technology that allows me to know about these needs.

Thankful today for:

619. windows open all day

620. a profusion of pink roses

621. the Raiders on TV in Orlando, win or lose

622. companies that stand by their products

623. technology

10 years ago Friday

Sep21

I was sitting inside where it’s nice and cool, watching my 10-year-old daughter cavort in the pool with her friends. Friday was her birthday.

Of course, I remember that day clearly. I went through most of labor in the waiting room as there was no room in labor and delivery. There was a bomb scare which kept the doctor away until it was almost too late. She was snatched away from me by a well-meaning nurse who thought she spit up something greenish that could indicate a perforated bowel. She had to spend several days in the NICU, and I had to go home without her, which was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. Turns out she was perfectly fine, thank the Lord.

20120921-183342.jpgI loved the baby days, even with the sleepless nights. She was an adorable baby, and she has grown into a funny, gregarious, happy little girl young lady. Her heart is full of songs. She loves her family–even those annoying brothers–, she loves her pets, she loves Jesus. She wants to run a zoo when she grows up.

I’m hoping that doesn’t happen for a long, long time.

Happy birthday, Morgan.

Thankful today for:

595. My daughter
596. The rain holding off until after the pool party
597. Lasagna
598. Chocolate cake
599. Weekends

Time Keeps on Slippin’, Slippin’, Slippin’

Aug20

I sent my baby boy off for his sophomore year of high school today. He won’t like the fact that I called him my baby boy. Plus, he’s taller than I am now. But it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t read my blog anyway. Sigh. Last night I asked him if he wanted me to get up and say goodbye to him in the morning (which is a BIG sacrifice for me, since he needs to leave the house at 6:45 or so to catch his bus at 6:52). He said no. Then he added, “You can if you want to.” So when I woke up at 6:47 and asked my husband if he had heard him, and he told me he hadn’t, I went to his room to check.

Yep, there he was snoozing away. 5 minutes until the bus arrived at a 3-minute-walk-away bus stop. Wasn’t gonna happen. So, being the kind mother that I am, I drove him. Got him there 3 minutes before the bell for first period. I don’t think he made it. But, I was guessing they were giving grace on the first day of school. But what a way to start.

So, my big, strong Air Force officer wannabe son still needs his momma. Whether he wants to admit it or not.

My desire to hang on, to make sure he has everything he needs for the day, that he hasn’t left anything behind, is hard to break. Last year I stopped myself from checking that he had his athletic shoes for an ROTC field day that he was attending. He had to wear his uniform there, but then change into PT clothes later on. Turns out, he forgot the shoes. The result? Major blisters and torn skin on the soles of his feet for his error. Lesson learned? I think so. But it’s hard to see your children suffer the consequences, isn’t it?

But what’s that saying? What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? I bet he won’t be forgetting his shoes again.

When we go to a restaurant, my husband is telling me, let him ask the questions. Don’t baby him. But not asking the right questions can have physical consequences as he is severely allergic to dairy products. And I have more experience knowing what to ask. And what if he doesn’t have his allergy medicine with him? And, and, and.

Let it go. Cut the apron strings. He’s a big boy now.

Wrong. He’s still my baby.

Thankful today for:

561. growing independence

562. a new computer coming

563. approaching fall

The Big Day Has Arrived

Jul21

Today is the day of Hannah and Andy’s wedding. My sister is getting ready to leave for the farm where the wedding will be held, and the rest of us will follow in a couple of hours. It’s always hard to imagine that your kids are old enough to get married and be out on their own. This is the second time my sister has gone through that. Last year, in fact, her eldest took the matrimonial leap. I’m just trying to prepare myself for when my eldest goes on his first date.

I remember Hannah as a baby. I didn’t get to see her or her siblings much, as we lived far away from each other. She’s the only girl between two brothers. The girl cousins are outnumbered in our family, 2 to 1. She and Morgan, I’m told, are a lot alike. I hope Morgan grows up to still be like her. I wish they could know each other better. But there are 14 years and 3,000+ miles between them. But that’s true of all the cousins. None of them live near each other. It’s sad, but that’s the way it is.

We’re very thankful we can be here today to celebrate with sweet Hannah and Andy, whom we hope to be able to get to know someday. We’ll have to depend on future family gatherings. This stay is winding down way too fast. After today, we have two more days until we leave. Sweet times, too soon gone, to be held in our hearts forever.

Thankful today for:

480. wedding celebrations

481. a sunny day

482. more solidified plans

483. flowers

484. hills

485. lots of green